Mandatory sterilization to be discussed

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: Longtime readers of this column should recall that BYLAW ONE of the original BILLINGSGATE MANIFEST, published 31 August 2004, respectfully suggested that all liberals be sterilized to prevent further proliferation of their specie. This BYLAW was subsequently changed to read that it is "highly recommended" that this procedure be undertaken.

Because of the highly controversial moral implications involved, Dr. Cleotus "Clete" Earlbeck, philantropist, physiognomist and founder of the conservative BILLINGSGATE INSTITUTE, has called the Board of Directors to meet next week in the Galapagos for a round table discussion of this issue. Board members of the INSTITUTE, which by the way, is completely funded by the sale of bat guano harvested illegally on the islands by diminutive pgymy dwarfs, shall be sequestered without food or water until a substantive policy statement is issued.

Make no mistake about the seriousness of this question. Can the liberals be trusted to continue their voluntary abstinance from procreative sex acts or will the urge to duplicate themselves result in them resorting to time tested copulation?

With the election results showing that conservative voters outnumber liberals by approximately 3.5 million, is there any way liberals can catch up with neo-cons, knowing that Karl Rove is always one step ahead of them? The genius behind the GOP is already hatching nefarious plans to reward conservatives by giving tax incentives to families and nothing to same sexers who find it difficult, if not impossible, to further their specie with their government issued genitalia.

Not withstanding the small number of liberals that somehow slip through the cracks and have children, census experts expect the number of liberals to contract exponentially in the next two decades, and unless human cloning is allowed, their numbers should decrease to a negative by the year 2050. This being so, is it any wonder that the liberals are pushing their stem cell research down our throats? It's the cloning, stupid!

These and other issues will be examined and discussed at the INSTITUTE'S meeting. Be assured that BILLINGSGATE will report the facts without factuality, the truth without proof, and lastly, no stories will be outsourced to CBS and the New York Times because of credibilty concerns.