Message from the Big Red Zone

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: After receiving the message from the Big Red Zone of America and having it stuffed down the upper end of their alimentary canal, the liberals have failed to digest the contents, and we are now smelling what's coming out the other end; the flatulence that occurs when you don't chew enough to separate the fact from the fiction.

We have all read and heard from the liberal pundits that we (the conservatives) are suffering from terminal adult idiocy syndrome. How dare, they say, that we didn't understand the Michael Moores, the Whoopie Goldbergs, the Dan Rathers, the New York Times and most of all, the Boss, when they were trying to foist their illegitimate fodder on us.

How dare conservatives win the battle for truth and liberals have to live by the rules of our Democracy! Where are the judges who are to deliver them from this virulent vast right ring theocratic conspiracy? Are they going to have to live with a Bush Supreme Court sworn to interpret the Constitution instead of making law? That's not fair in this enlightened age of judicial determinism. That's like making them play ball with one hand tied behind their back.

Sorry, Nancy Pelosi. Sorry, Donna Brasile. Sorry, Al Gore-Zeera. Sorry, Howard Dean. Screaming doesn't work in the Big Red Zone. But most of all, I'm sorry that I won't have the slack jawed, chicken lipped jackal and his chipmunk cheeked buddy from North Carolina to kick around anymore. At least for a couple of years.

Finally, BILLINGSGATE would like to thank my friends from CBS and the New York Times for providing the world with the truth as only they knew it; the unvarnished, the unscrupulous, the unproveable, and ultimately, the unbelievable.