Michael Moore denies he's a clone

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Galapagos Islands)

BULLETIN: The Board of Directors first order of business was to determine whether the attempt by the Cloning Scientists Gone Wild of Great Britain to make copies of Fahrenheit 911 producer, Michael Moore, was fruitfull. Using the same clonology that created Dolly the Sheep in 1996, have these same mad scientists come close or did they actually produce a genetic duplicate of the hog jowled Moore?

Fearing the worst; that if Michael Moore could be cloned, might Hillary be next in line, then other screaming liberals like Nancy Pelosi and Howard Dean? A nightmare scenario that neo-cons have dreaded is now a direct possibility due to stem cell research and other embryonic experimentation.

To answer the speculation that Michael Moore might be a clone of himself, our senior investigative reporter, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler went right to the source, interviewing Dolly the Sheep at her home in Herfordshire, England. Dolly, as you know, was reportedly the first mammal to be cloned. With the worried liberals looking for a new source of voters because they are not replacing themselves nearly as efficiently as conservatives, Moore was sent by the DNC to Herfordshire on a lend lease program.

According to Dolly the Sheep, when she was first introduced to Moore she felt like she was being sheared naked by his piggish eyes. Feeling helpless and light headed, she fainted dead into the straw bed beneath her. She woke up to the slobbering Moore giving her mouth to mouth resuscitation. Feeling the warmth of his humanity pressed against her alabaster loins, she fell victim to his charismatic charms and his promise to make her a star.

Now if you should see a sheepish look on Michael Moore's face, can you be sure if it's him or just another liberal clone? BILLINGSGATE will continue to bring you in depth reporting completely uninhibited by any journalistic restraints. From the New York Times to CBS to the BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL, the baton of corrupt, unethical journalism has been passed.