Liberals question election result

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: With the onslaught of stories by liberals suggesting the outcome of the Presidential election was less than kosher due to voter fraud, BILLINGSGATE has decided to devote the remainder of his life to proving that John Kerry was victimized by the nefarious plot of Karl Rove to deprive him of his rightful throne. With the present vote count being 60,367,521 for Bush and 56,939,420 for Kerry, there remains a reasonable doubt that had all votes been counted correctly, the 3,428,101 vote differential could have easily gone the other way.

To assuage those who question BILLINGSGATE'S integrity, it is worth noting that I am assigning the JOURNAL'S crack investigative reporter, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler to this story. Unfortunate for those who cross the line of righteousness, Detrick has vowed to leave no stone unturned in his quest for truth. Both liberals and neo-cons be warned, Dirty Trick has truth in his back pocket and rectitude in his heart. His appellation is therefore a misnomer.

BULLETIN: Readers will be happy to hear from the Dalai Lama:

" Mr. Carl Spackler has been under my miasmic tutelage for the past two weeks. He has already endeared himself to the common beasts of burden in our small Tibetian village, having convinced all of the women that he indeed is the blessed one.....Dalai Lama

Response: Dalai, It is heart warming to hear that Carl has finally found nirvanna in your land. Please keep him away from rodents, cross dressing lamas and Indian soothsayers. He is an expert in pyrotechnics.