Letters to BILLINGSGATE

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: Because of the volume of letters BILLINGSGATE receives, an attempt to counter balance pithiness and volubility shall be made by the editors. The following letters have been chosen for publication:

"What do you mean when you say, 'They don't get it.' I believe that my husband got it right in the old wazoo from you neo-con bastards"... Teresa (57 Varieties) Heinz Kerry

Response: Ms. Kerry, Thank you for being pithy. We at BILLINGSGATE have always used Heinz products when engaging in kinky sex. We suggest your husband use your delicious pickle relish for a suppository if he runs in 2008.

"BILLINGSGATE, You think you are so smart. You can't even spell pervert correctly, you nyukle head"......Curly

Response: Curly, I am trying to think of a response, but nothings happening. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!

"I can't believe that Carl Spackler wouldn't serve if John Kerry were elected President. Maybe I should talk to him"......Former Commander in Chief, Slick Willie

Response: Chief, Sorry to inform you that Carl left for Tibet when he heard the early exit polls had Kerry ahead. The Dalai Lama is now screening his calls. By the way, did you smoke that cigar? Please keep your answer pithy.

"Hey, I produced Fahrenheit 9/11. I didn't see anyone drooling like a Pavlovian dog, but I would sure like to".....Michael Moore

Response: Change "dog" to "pig" and look in the mirror. Pithy enough?