Giant Tortoises doing wheelies

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN! BULLETIN: Scores of Giant Tortoises were spotted doing wheelies in the bleached white sands of secluded Galapagos beaches that eons earlier provided nests for the progenitors of these same reptillian monoliths.

Quite frankly, bedlam broke out when word of Bush's victory over the slack jawed, chicken lipped jackal who liberated the Defense Department of three bogus Purple Hearts reached the Galapagos.

Tortoises of all colors and stripes thundered down the high road, glowing with the pride of having once more successfully predicted the outcome of the Presidential election without resorting to questionable exit pols. Sadly, as reported earlier, this will be the tortoises last contribution to the election process having been totally demoralized by the unethical attempts by liberal hacks to persuade them to take the low road.

Although being tempted by easy sex and wacky tabacky, these noble creatures plodded on, all but oblivious to these temporal offerings. Perhaps in another four years they might be persuaded to once more take on this noble journey. Already rumors of Hillary Clinton positioning herself to retake the White House have reached the remote shores that once harbored a bemused young Charles Darwin.

BULLETINEOUS QUESTION: Who among us was not exhilerated by the outcome of this election? Only 50 million card carrying, pinko-freako, subteranean Michael Moore driven preverts; that who. Never, never let your guard down. Vigilence without purpose inevitably leads to chaos, destruction and moral famine.

To CBS and the New York Times who gamely tried to influence the outcome of the election, BILLINGSGATE offers the following suggestion: Take your biased news and shove it where the sunlight of truth never shines.