Carl Spackler vs bin Laden

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: On the last day before the election John Kerry has finally released his plan to capture bin Laden. With the latest tape of the evil one pimping President Bush for not being able to capture him, Kerry was unable to keep his own secret plan under wraps. Comparing the elusive bin Laden to the common rodent (genera Tamias and Eutamias), the presidential wannabe has selected Carl Spackler of Caddyshack fame as his point man to combat this vile terrorist. Pointing out that Spackler never gave up in his quest to track down and kill the menacing ground hog, Kerry said he expects Carl to make short work of this depraved varmint.

BULLETIN: With today being the eve of the election, BILLINGSGATE wonders if Kerry were to win should we be concerned. Should we worry about a man who has no coherent beliefs; a man so poll-driven that he doesn't know what he stands for, if anything?

The possibility exists that by the time he acts on something the situation will have changed so much as to make his decision irrelevant, which is exactly what the Bronx born, Fordham educated, Libertarian candidate, Murph King of the Earth says will gridlock our nation in a beneficial way. Drawing from his classical Thomistic education, the Murph declined from elaborating on his theme, saying it was "ephemeral" and not the stuff of mortals.

The JOURNAL has tried to remain upbeat while fighting the onslaught of the criminally liberal press. Under capitalized and downtrodden, the spiritual beliefs of the Galapagos Island based center for conservative thought has remained steadfast. Truth in journalism without the inhibiting chill of proof will always be a necessity, not an option, in a free country.

VOTE EARLY AND OFTEN!