Letters to BILLINGSGATE

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: Due to the number and content of the letters responding to yesterday's JOURNAL titled "One nut away from having a chipmunk in the White House," BILLINGSGATE will dedicate today's JOURNAL to publishing excerpts from these letters and the responses to them.

• "Don't ever underestimate the determination of a basic rodent when he sets his mind to destroying your way of life. They are very evil critters"......Carl Spackler, Caddyshack

Response: Carl, Believe me, BILLINGSGATE has seen Caddyshack many times and has also witnessed the villainy of those bastards on a personal level. Thanks for the "heads up."

• "BILLINGSGATE, we know who you are and where you live. If you think that you can continue to dehumanize Kerry and Edwards with your puerile attempts to characterize them as lowly animals, you don't understand the natural food chain, and you live in a make believe world that only Ted Kennedy can understand".....Terry McAuliffe, Chairman, DNC

RESPONSE: Terry, BILLINGSGATE also knows who you are and where you live. If you think that you can intimidate a veteran and cold war warrior with your flip-flop threats, you don't understand your enemy either......GRRRRR !

• "BILLINGSGATE, you are a low life son-of-a-bitch for calling my husband a slack jawed,chicken lipped killer of unarmed chickens and pigs. My husband said those animals were armed to the teeth, and they knew that they shouldn't have been in the village which he torched with a Ronson lighter, not a ZIPPO. By the way, John told me he was in Cambodia on Christmas Day. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if they captured bin Laden before the election".......Teresa Heinz "57 Varieties" Kerry

RESPONSE: Teresa, I understand where you are coming from, and I empathize with you completely. However, I stand by my sources, Cleghorn Leghorn and Porky Pig, who say they were unarmed at the time. The fog of war might have made identification of the lighter questionable. BILLINGSGATE already knows that your husband was in Cambodia on that fateful day that was seared in his mind so vividly. What I hate to tell you is that he was in the Little Cambodia Bar and Grill in No Duc, Vietnam that day, reportedly slugging down shooters and singing Christmas carols with the bar girls. I am glad that you have faith in our troops in Afghanistan. They need all the support they can get.