Chicken-lipped lying Kerry

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: The new Swift Boat ad is out today and it has Kerry saying that he threw away his medals in 1971, then saying that he didn't. In 2004 he said that he threw them away but still has them because they weren't medals really, they were just symbols of the medals. The only thing that he wasn't able to deny is that fellow veteran, William Wrong Williams saw him throw whatever they were over the wall with a girlie man toss. The only way that a stronger case could be made regarding this very subjective critique of Kerry's throwing style is if William Wrong's twin brother, William Right Williams had been there instead.

Because of all this controversy, BILLINGSGATE has decided to bring in noted forensic phrenologist, Dr. Weldon Foxlet of Harvard University to review virtual skull scans of Kerry taken in 1971 and again in 2004. In his revealing deposition Dr. Foxlet made this observation: "When a man with chicken lips such as Mr. Kerry lies, there is usually a cathartic attempt to cleanse himself afterwards. With Kerry you will note him constantly licking his chicken lips with his lizard like tongue when he finishes a lying statement. This has remained a constant throughout the years."

In other words, whether William Wrong was William Right, Kerry threw away his medals with a girlie man toss that, no matter how many ways he affirms or denies it, he did it and said he was proud of it.