Mark Foley: Diva or Deviate?

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Washington)

BULLETIN: With Washington writhing over revelations that Representative Mark Foley had orgasmic phone sex with a young page while the rest of his Congressional mateys were wrestling among themselves on the floor, possible for the same effect, perhaps we should reflect on what is driving this contretemps.

Most of you far right wackos probably think I'm going to lay the blame on George Soros and the liberal media. You underestimate the great BILLINGSGATE. The Doctor sees things beyond the threshold of common understanding. Compared to me, the rest of you are afflicted with the same symptomatic condition that Curley of the Three Stooges describes when he exclaims. "I'm trying to think but nothing happens."

Let me make my point before you fall into terminal somnambulism. Everyone in Washington knew that Foley was a scissors butt, so light in the loafers that he, not Michael Jackson, was the first to do the moonwalk on earth. But the liberals would like everyone to believe that this was not a "gay" thing. This was about a Republican who used his position of power so that he could entice naive young hay shakers from the heartland of America, boys so innocent that they did sex blindfolded so as not to corrupt their nature.

I honestly believe that Mr. Foley believed he was doing these boys a favor by engaging them in filthy e-mails before these idealistic young men had a chance of being corrupted by some rotten-mouthed, scumbag coed from State College back home.

As usual, you will not see the above reflection on the pages of the New York Times or hear it from Wolf Blitzer on CNN, though I wouldn't put it past Katie Couric to think on this level.

If there is anyone out there who feels cheated when he reads the JOURNAL, please have a friend pull the plug on your respirator. You are wasting precious resources.