Big Indian trouble at Colorado U.

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Boulder, Colo)

BULLETIN: At the Trading Post in Boulder, wampum is being traded for beads and fire water is being consumed recklessly as the natives debate whether Professor Ward "Lying Buffalo" Churchill is a white man or an Indian. Not since football recruits were forced to prove their virtuosity by simultaneously chugging beer and humping lap dancers without spilling liquids from either container has there been such a furious debate by Colorado University students and faculty.

Is this really a racial situation or is it a tempest in a tepee? Could it be that Churchill is still pissed because he was forced to stop selling black velvet paintings of Karl Marx smoking a peace pipe with Sitting Bull. Evidently he couldn't prove that he belonged to any federally recognized tribe and was left with an inventory of 200 of these "Indian art" masterpieces.

Lying Buffalo, as he shall now be known to BILLINGSGATE readers, once claimed to be a Vietnam war hero. Like John Kerry, he was unable to find any way to prove it. Somehow, these two idiots must have run into each other on Christmas Day in No Duc, Cambodia and became joined at the lip. A two man band of brothers playing "America the pitiful."

It seems that the troubles at Colorado began when Coach Rick Neuweisel left the Golden Buffaloes for all the gold in Seattle. Now that he has been fired by the University of Washington for alledged violations of their's and the NCAA's code of ethics, perhaps he should go back to Colorado and kick Lying Buffalo's mangy ass. Even the Cornhuskers would cheer him for doing that.

Aah. To hell with them all. A good buffalo is still a dead buffalo.