Yankee go home

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Byron Bay, Aus)

BULLETIN: By request of liberal poohbahs who seemed frightened by honest conservative values, officials asked BILLINGSGATE to leave Australia ASAP. With nothing more than the shirt on his back and a sheepskin codpiece to cover his ample loins, constables put BG on a plane in Brisbane and told him to never blight their shores again.

Unable to satisfy radical environmentalists concerning questions on the Kyoto Protocol, BG informed them that their malevolent crocodiles and ill-willed white sharks killed more people than Saddam Hussien. Citing recent air samplings, the vegi-crunchers were told that the sheep farts that they conveniently jet stream across the Pacific cause our eyes to water worse than a LA inversion layer. As you might imagine, that did not go over well with the liberal mateys.

Would I go back to Australia if allowed? Only if guaranteed free middies of New and conventional right side of the road driving.

BULLETIN: Still waiting for CBS to issue report on Dan Blather. Hope they don't disappoint us by telling the truth. BILLINGSGATE'S full resources are being used to sniff out this emerging cover-up of CBS's own sordid journalistic chicanery. The probing, the perservering, our own investigative reporter, the redoubtable, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler has been assigned to this developing story.