Unpublished dialog of Senator Craig

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Minneapolis Airport)

BULLETIN: THE REAL STORY

Officer: Why were you peeking into my stall for two minutes?

Craig: It usually takes at least two minutes for my eyes to stop watering after I have been gassed.

Officer: Do you recall whether or not I had my pants down at the time?

Craig: I don't recall. But under the circumstances, it really isn't essential as long as your zipper is in proper working order.

Officer: After you sat down in the next stall, why did you start tapping your foot?

Craig: When I play with my Great Dane, Hummer, that's a signal for him to jump onto my lap and start licking. I guess it's just a habit.

Officer: Did you expect me to jump onto your lap and lick you?

Craig: Absolutely not! I would have grabbed you by the ears and said, "down boy, down."

Officer: Why then did you encroach into my stall and nudge my foot with yours?

Craig: You noticed? Well, when you didn't jump onto my lap when I tapped my foot, I thought you might have fallen asleep on the John.

Officer: Is that why you reached under the partition with your left hand?

Craig: You think I'm ambidextrous or what? My right hand was busy at the time.

Officer: I think I have heard enough. You are a disgrace. How are you going to face your voters and your wife and kids after this?

Craig: If Slick Willie can get away with it, why shouldn't I be able to pull it off?

Officer: EXACTLY.