LaFontaine College in Eye of Storm

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Cayman Islands)

BULLETIN: Internationally known LaFontaine College, the Creighton of the Caribbean, and the source (mill) of eleven Doctorate Degrees for Dr. Viscount BILLINGSATE, is under siege from Hurricane Dean. For centuries this intellectual bastion has withstood onslaughts from pirates, Pentecostals and pinch-mouthed pretenders while maintaining its status among the elites of upper-level education. This Cayman Island redoubt is a reminder to all that it isn't what you know that counts, its how many degrees you have. Where else can a man of my stature, or for that matter, any man of no stature, score eleven Doctorates without having to attend a class. For those who might believe LaFontaine to be just another diploma mill, let me issue you this caveat; you have to pick up your diploma to graduate. Just between you and me, if you don't want to come to this tropical paradise to pick up your credentials, you don't have the credentials to obtain a degree.

Outside the Administration Building, which doubles as a two car garage in a humble dwelling owned by Chancellor Latisha LaFontaine, the latest of the progeny of the founder of this proud University, none other than Louis Lance LaFontaine, is a plaque commemorating the College's most illustrious alumnus, Dr. Viscount BILLINGSGATE. Currently holding an unprecedented eleven Doctorate, last year's winner of the Bulshitzer Prize has been memorialized by the College with a plaque that bears the likeness of BILLINGSGATE and folds up when the garage door is retracted.

With gales predicted to exceed 120 mph, Hurricane Dean is scheduled to hit the Cayman's sometime today. Let we who have been blessed to receive the support of the College and its professors, say a silent prayer that LaFontaine will survive this blow intact.

From Aristotle, Pericles and BILLINGSGATE....Let man's inclination for achievement be evidenced by the display of copious degrees.