Jihad closes Guantanamo Bay

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Guantanamo Bay, Cuba)

BULLETIN: Jihad Kisley, the simian expatriot from the Orangutan Rehab Center in Sumatra, who was captured while attempting to board a flight from Honolulu to LAX a couple of weeks ago, is now a detainee in the GITMO facility that is presently being used to house dangerous Muslim jihadists captured in Afghanistan and Iraq by Coalition forces.

Jihad, who was on his way to a class reunion, was nabbed by Home Security officials in Honolulu who felt he fit the raghead profile disseminated by top Rumsfeld Goombahs after 9/11. Although not as tall as most homo sapien terrorists, his facial features and abundant body hair made him a prime suspect in the war against terror. Caged in a 10x12 cell among hundreds of other suspected terrorists, Jihad had bamboozled the BCST (Behavioral Science Consultation Team) assigned to debrief him. Speaking in a dialect that so far they have not been able to quantify, the hirsute chimp squeaked and grunted through hours and hours of intense interrogation without giving up any information remotely connected to Al Queda or bin Laden. Suspecting that he may have undergone SERE (Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape) training prior to his capture, they decided to strap him onto a waterboard and soften him up a tad. This was a real "rumble in the jungle" for the beleaguered orangutan, but he prevailed. Not only did he not spill the beans about bin Laden, he changed history.

I am sorry to say that they are now planning to close down GITMO. For years the ACLU and the bleeding heart, pinko liberals have been trying to close this facility because they felt that the ragheads were being deprived of their constitutional right to kill us. Ironically, it was PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) who stepped in and demanded the facility be closed.

The moral of this story is that if you treat ragheads like humans, some monkey will make you pay dearly for it.

The Doctor does not tolerate dissonance from his devoted devotees. Tune in or tune out.