Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Barack Obama

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (From the Beltway)

BULLETIN: Who is the real Barack Obama? Is he the glib, smiling, smooth talking politician who seems to have the inside track for the Democratic presidential nomination. Or is he someone we really don't know? Certainly, most of us understand that underneath his silky demeanor is a lurking, leftist leaning commie pinko who would replace baseball with fudgepacking as the National Sport if he were in a position to nominate Supreme Court judges. We also know that he was raised in Indonesia by a Muslim jihadist who has sworn to make sharia the law of the world. Although he went to a Catholic school for a period of time, he has disavowed any influence of that encounter while wholly advocating late term abortion. Worst of all, he has been overheard at Beltway parties saying, "The Pope is a Dope."

Because of Obama's complex background and because the liberal media has failed to unearth anything meaningful that might sully his reputation, BILLINGSGATE has decided to take his crack forensic investigator, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler out of retirement. As you well remember, Dirty Trick was instrumental in revealing the bogus Swift Boat heroics of Senator John Kerry in the last elections. His findings:

Factoid: Barack Obama is not a black man. Despite his efforts to appeal to this constituency, Detrick found that Obama could not dribble a basketball with either hand. But more importantly, he was found to wipe his butt with his left hand.

Factoid: Barack Hussein Obama is more Muslim than American. While growing up in Indonesia, his best friend and confidant was a camel. Emails have confirmed that he still corresponds with his old pal, Bunky the camel.

Factoid: Although Barack Obama once killed a guy after jumping off of a beached belly board, unlike Catholic John Kerry, he gave the guy a chance to convert to Islam before he shot him.

Factoid: Barack Obama does not have three man-berries as reported. Although he refers to his female intern as a "sperm receptacle," he does not insist that she cover herself with a burka while belly dancing in his Senate office.

Conclusion: If this is the best the Democrats have to offer, bring em on.

Good job, Detrick.

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