G Day from Byron Bay

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Byron Bay, Aus)

BULLETIN: From the most eastwardly point of Australia comes news that BILLINGSGATE has once again done what CBS and the New York Times has been doing effortlessly for decades; that is, profoundly shaping the content of news without regard to truth, ethics or balance. In this regard, the shape and form of journalism in Australia will forever be in debt to BILLINGSGATE for providing Australian journalists a worthy goal in their efforts to deceive the public.

In this small town from which whalers embarked a century ago, surfers and backpackers come by the thousands in quest of hedonistic get-to-gethers. In other words, Byron Bay is ripe for an infusion of middle American values, and thank God, the right man is here at the right time to pull these sun worshipping pagans out of their muck and mire.

No, this won't be easy. But after having fortified myself with Victoria Stout Bitter for the past few days, BILLINGSGATE is quite ready to fulfill the mission.

BULLETIN: BILLINGSGATE was somewhat confused when he saw his first topless bather at the local beach. Since her breasts were somewhat smaller than BILLINGSGATE'S, not to embarass her, I immediately put on a tee shirt to cover my own nakedness and gave the bewildered lady a stern lecture on appropriate beach behaviour.

BULLETIN: BILLINGSGATE was warned by a kind bloke at a local pub to put lotion on his white ankles and feet before they were burned to a crisp. After being told that it was a birth defect, the gentleman apologized and offered to buy me a beer.

Thank you and G Day