World grieves passing of kidney stone

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: From Christians and Atheists, from Hindus and Muslims, from Sun Worshippers and Moon Walkers alike, from Humanists, Animists and especially from Stoners, all joined to offer words of condolence after hearing the shocking story of the passing of BILLINGSGATE's kidney stone last week.

As some remember where they were when JFK was assassinated and others recall the passing of Elvis, letters from as far away as Australia expressed the common anxiety that joined all of these disparate mourners regarding the well-being of BILLINGSGATE and his kidney stone.

Antecedent to this passing were rumors that all was not well with the blogger known affectionately to the world as BILLINGSGATE. Perhaps, it was speculated, he was slowing down with age, not quite as incisive as before the election where he had John Kerrey to pimp slap into submission. If it could happen to Dan Rather, could BILLINGSGATE survive this pecking away at his credibility?

Let me set these wild rumors aside by assuring faithful readers that not only did BILLINGSGATE survive, he climbed the mountain and reached the pinnacle that veteran stoners covet; the elusive hat trick. Yes, this was the third metabolic dysfunction produced by BILLINGSGATE's prolific kidney; a milestone in itself.

For those who care, this stone triumpvirate is as rare as completing an unassisted triple play in baseball, winning the Lotto and finding the Holy Grail, all on the same day. Such fellow luminaries as Napoleon, George Washington and Ben Franklin also achieved this extreme goal, reportedly without modern pain killers

Will BILLINGSGATE be able to complete the double hat trick before his demise? Will his kidney keep kicking while the clock keeps ticking? Let's ramp it up, baby. The record is there for the taking.